Confined
by Lolabel
Summary: A one-shot song fic...of what happened to Sirius Black when he went 'beyond the veil' in book 5. It ends against my wishes but with the song music. The music it's put to is Breaking the Habit.


This is my first song fic, and because… well because I'm a Sirius Black fan, I wrote this song fic based on my fav song, a song I've nicknamed 'Siri's Song'. It's called 'Breaking the Habit' by Linkin Park.

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Confined

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Sirius Black. That was his name. But what had happened to him? Where was he? Why did he hurt? What were all these memories? Help him… somebody… save him…

_Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again_

He sat there, confined, struggling. He didn't know what to do, he was trapped. Screams running through his head, over and over, and then over again. All one big messed up broken record. The man sat there clutching his head, rocking back and forth on the wooden floor. The walls were dark, the room was old, the walls were destroyed, and the windows were cracked and boarded up. No sunlight fell into the dark room. There were holes in the ceiling and the floors were all rotted away wood. The door was almost unhinged, and led into a dark hallway. The man's eyes were wide with fear.

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused_

His head was spinning, from fright and cold. He was lost in his memories, lost in the dark, waiting to be saved. He needed someone to save him. Why was it always him who got torn apart? Torn into pieces? His heart torn? He didn't know how he got there or what happened, all he knew is he wasn't home. Why did he jump in, why did he jump in and save everyone? Why did he feel the desire to protect his friends and family? It didn't matter now. No. He was alone. All alone. Thinking back on it, it had been stupid to save everyone, stupid to die for all of them… but his memories protested. Protested. Saying what he did was right. Stupid memories, tearing him from the inside out.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight_

He didn't know, he didn't know, he just didn't know. He suddenly screamed a piercing scream. It pierced the dark. He shook with fear, fear of himself and he hated it. He didn't know why he was contrasting what had already happened. You can't change the past. He told himself that over and over. But… in his secret heart he couldn't believe it. He was so lost, so confused. He needed to get out! He stood up, wobbling; he fell against the wall nearest him, his hand holding him upright. He wouldn't stand it any longer. He walked slowly towards the dark doorway.

_Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again_

He stumbled forward, falling at the entrance. He sat on his knees unhappily, and grabbing the door frame, pulled himself up again. He ran down the hallway blindly, his hands were bleeding, as were his knees. The hand that had helped him to stumble along in the darkness, the hand that glided him along the wall, gave way. He fell into a room, some light streamed through the cracks in the window. His hands ached, as did his legs. He stumbled into the ray of light, blinking furiously to keep back the tears and pain of lost memories. He jumped up and slammed the door closed. He fell back into the solid stream of light, breathing hard, trying to think of what to do.

_I dont want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused_

He couldn't think. It hurt too much. His brain was racked with memories, ideas, and an immense feeling of loss. He needed to get out, he needed to be freed. He wanted so desperately to understand why this was all happening to him. He cried out, no one hearing his piercing cries for help. Save me. Save me. He cried over and over. No one hearing his calls. He looked at his bleeding hands and began to write on the floor. 'Save me.' The blood was a thick red, and the words were smeared. His hands got cut badly from the sharp uneven broken wood; they were bleeding worse then before, dripping and sloshing onto the rotted wood.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight_

The shock of the bleeding just occurred to him. He stared wide eyed at his dripping red hands, and then realized he was sitting in that red. The blood from his hands and knees pooled lightly around him. His tears added to the thick red substance and diluted it into thin salty and light red. He shook his head furiously trying to think of why his life was so wrong. He had to fix it… and he had to fix it all now.

_I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends_

Then he knew. It was his own choice. He was here because he wanted to be. He had exchanged his life, his happiness, his family… for this. He had saved them… and was rewarded with darkness, confusion and torment. And he knew it was over. He gave up. His arms hung limply at his sides. Drip. Drop. The blood fell. His knees had stopped bleeding. He knew it was his entire fault he was alone. He knew he was confined to this little dark place. Forever.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
to show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight_

"Beyond the veil." A voice shouted, "He's just gone through, get him, save him! Sirius!" The voice was desperate. The sitting man heard it, the man who had given up. The voice began to sob, "Professor, get him! Sirius!"

"He's gone Harry…" Another familiar voice said gently.

"No he can't be… Professor get him! He's only just gone through!" The voice was that of a boy's it was desperate.

Another female voice said sternly, "Harry, he's gone."

The boy, Harry, was crying, "SIRIUS!"

The man was standing, was he hearing things? Would someone save him? Could they? Those voices… Harry… who was he? Who were they? Wait… Harry… he remembered, "Harry!"

The boy froze in his struggles to go beyond the veil to find Sirius. He had heard him. He knew it, "Sirius… come back…"

"Save me. Harry save me." Sirius called holding his hand out the dark. His hand felt suddenly cold. The blood fell, but didn't splash the wood floor. It was a clear sound, not dull. It splashed stone. Another cold shivering hand wrapped around his own, the fingers were small, but he saw them. They pulled him from the dark, into the light of a large circular room. He thought he was going to be saved, but then the hand disappeared, and he was thrust into the darkness. He knew it would happen, but he had hoped it wouldn't. He knew Harry would call for him, and he knew if he answered Harry would not hear him. He finally understood what it meant to be confined, to be confined beyond the veil… and hopefully they understood too. He crawled into a darker corner of the room, and looked up at the ceiling with blank eyes, crying.

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I did the last bit from memory. Hope it was good! I'm trying to get my writer's spirit back so I can keep writing my main story. 


End file.
